My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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