You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
