Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
