i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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