After last night, I could never be a politician.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
