am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize