My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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