I am in a vortex of obligation.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Im part way to drunk.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
