what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
