just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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