Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
