She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
