it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize