After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
