Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
