I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
