Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
