He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
