During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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