For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
