im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Never joke about your clitoris.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
