I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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