the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
