if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
