We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
