I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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