You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
