I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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