It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
