That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
