If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
