i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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