I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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