Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she looked like the before picture.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
