that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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