you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
