What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
