Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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