If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
