look no pants
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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