How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
