You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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