This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
