this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
