Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
soo... how was my night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
