so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
