my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
