we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize