I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
