yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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