need another drink. this is the easiest way
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
