my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
