obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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