9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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