You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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