I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
