last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
