Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
