its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
