Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
