I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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