So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
