I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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