i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
