I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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