you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
